Being pregnant, again, and now having a blog this time around, I knew I had to do a pregnancy series! Introducing “Pregnancy at a Glance – Month by Month “ Hopefully you’ll find a nugget of wisdom here or there.
Pregnancy at a Glance – Month by Month
Pregnancy & Miscarriage
What Mom may be Feeling:
This is the month that baby makes huge leaps in growth and development. From the embryo stage to fetus stage. If a, b, and c, don’t line up right in baby, (genetics, development etc.) miscarriage is natures way of dealing with a baby not developing.
Miscarriages are very common, though you wont know it so much from your friends around you. Miscarriages can be very private. 1 in 4 women will have experience of a miscarriage, throughout their child-bearing years.
For more information about causes, prevention, risk factors and symptoms of miscarriage. Click here to read in depth on “What to Expect, When Expecting” website. (This is not an affiliate link, just GREAT information)
While a women may go through a miscarriage — there are a huge range of emotions that she can go through. From detachment, to anger, to shame, to guilt, to feeling nothing at all. All of the emotions above (plus more) are very normal. Not only is a women dealing with the death and loss of a baby, but she is also dealing with her body going from a pregnancy state to a sudden pre-pregnancy state. That’s a lot of extra hormones and body changes that she needs to deal with!
It doesn’t make it easy, but it’s VERY important to know — wasn’t your fault.
It was no one fault.
The 9-13 weeks of being pregnant is the notorious month for the dreaded deadline of whether or not you’ll miscarry.
Studies show that after week-13 rates of miscarriages drop dramatically. With a small percentage of women experiencing late miscarriages (weeks 14-20) and stillborn births (post 20 weeks).
I always look forward to week 13 deadline because I miscarried my first pregnancy, at week 13.
I had woken up in the middle of the night to painful uterine cramping. This accompanied by heavy bleeding was proof that I was miscarrying. Although at the time I denied it. There was that heavy suspicion that thing were not right with my pregnancy and that I may be miscarrying during that night, but I couldn’t believe it.
So I tried to clean up go back to sleep hoping that more rest would fix my body and my baby. What I should have done though is called my Doctor, or gone to emergency right away.
Neither the Doctor nor emergency would have changed the outcome but because I delayed in DOING something about my condition, we spent the next 48hrs just confirming that I was having a miscarriage because I took so long to call the Doctor or ask for help.
We would have gotten answers faster and the emotional roller coaster ride that we went through would have been shorter.
If you are going through or have gone through a miscarriage you know that the emotional jumping between a broken heart of loss and hopes that your baby survives, is devastating. and exhausting.
If miscarriage has happened though; scream, cry, be anger, take your time to mourn the loss of your baby. Hold the baby sleepers you already bought or pack them away in a box. What ever you need to do to take the time to grieve what was going to be your future is so important in order for you to move forward.
Your doctor will walk with you through the medical side of things, by confirming your miscarriage is happening through a ultrasound and scheduling you in for a DNC. Which is a surgery where you will be put under and the surgeons will clean out the rest of your uterus. This will be a hard step, but it’s important. For your health, and not being infected by anything left in the uterus that shouldn’t be there. It’s also important for the health and survival chance of future babies that you may have. It’s not something you want to think about right now, but a healthy uterus is the best thing you can give to your future babies.
I read in a book once that the fastest way to heal from a miscarriage is to get pregnant again, to have and hold a healthy baby of your own. Not to replace the baby you lost, but to fill that empty spot in you, that deeply desires to nurture your baby… even if you have older children at home. I would agree with this statement.
I’ve been there — devastated by the loss of our first baby. When I did get pregnant again there was this dreadful fear that another miscarriage would happen. But once my 2nd pregnancy continued past the 13 week mark, there was such hope and planning for the future FINALLY with a baby adding to our family. This took away a LOT of the pain and loss from my miscarriage. Holding my 2nd baby in my arms, healed the ache.
Helping a Friend Through the Grief of a Miscarriage
I HATE it when I hear other people telling the mom that just lost her baby to miscarriage that “at least she has 4 (for example) other healthy children at home” — As if she doesn’t need to mourn the loss of her baby because she should be grateful that she has other healthy children. She STILL lost her baby!
Another terrible line is that “God needed another angel” — please. This makes it sound like it was God’s fault the baby died.
All you have to say to your friend that is going through a miscarriage is “Sorry for your loss” All you have to do for your friend is BE THERE and LISTEN! Whether it’s through a phone call, an email, cards, making her supper, watching her older children for a day, etc.
If you’ve gone through a miscarriage before you can share your experience with her. Share your story. If she asks questions — answer — gently. “Yes you may go into labor like pains.”
Also ask your friend if there is anything you can do for her. She may need help getting rid of baby stuff. She may need you to do a pad run to the store. Maybe just bring her a supper without asking for permission. You’ll know what to do.
A wonderful resource for Grief and Loss in Miscarriage can be found at BabyCenter.ca — Click here to check out this great page!
Picture of what Baby Looks like at Week 9-13:
If You Have Older Children at Home:
While you are going through a miscarriage, depending on your children’s age, you can tell them and let them know what is happening. (maybe 10+) If you have younger children at home I would let them know later when you are feeling a little better. And just be honest about what has happened to the baby, as well as what you are going through. “The baby died in my belly and I’m really sad that this has happened, but this is no ones fault”
Be sure to ask you mother, mother-in-law, friend, etc. someone that you trust with your little ones, to watch them as you and your hubby go back and forth to the hospital, doctors office and appointments.
For a look at Pregnancy Month 1 — Click here
Pregnancy Month 2 — Click here
By: Sharon Schuler
I’m not a doctor, nurse, or obgyn. I’m just sharing some of my pregnancy experience! (x6) These are my own words but with strong direction from BabyCentre.ca. I’m not affiliate with BabyCentre.ca I just really LOVE the information I find there and I would recommend the site to all of my friends.